Friday, March 30, 2012
...Sunday Mo Jo...
…I checked out a nun today…I don’t know if that’s ok or not…and…I don’t really care if it is or not…well, the movie Swordfish is on…and this means you have an entire country of men…and some women…watching this movie that was pretty much about absolutely nothing…however, Halle Berry is in it…and that might be enough to watch the 2 hour movie…however, she shows off her chibby chongas…however…another one…that was like a triple dose of however right there…this movie's on TV…so I guess this Swordfish TV movie acts as a pop-up like you get on the Internet…telling you to refill your penis pill prescription…and the pop-up gives everyone the clue to turn the TV back to March Madness…put it on mute and go try to download the 2 minute part where Halle...shows off her fun bags…and this unfortunately leads to seeing Billy Bob Thorton’s ass…because now you’re enticed to also download the Monster Balls’ scene where Halle asks Billy Bob to make her feel good…saw some old high school friends last night…and we were incredibly thirsty…unbelievably thirsty…I don’t even believe how thirsty we were…even though we were that thirsty…otherwise why would we have tried to quench this thirst into the early morn…but since I attached unbelievably to the thirsty…I guess it didn’t happen…well, yeah, anyways…this lead to the rule of the first one to pass out gets the privilege of being drawn on…and that’s just the way it goes…we’ll…or I’ll say…because I’m telling thus story…I’ll say the dude that passed out was named Tom at birth…and the Sharpy was broken out…another dude…we’ll…I mean…I’ll call him…dude…wrote on Tom’s feet some vulgar mo jo…and…that should be fun getting off…good luck with that…what did Mr. Bobbit do…to deserve that?...imagine it being sewn back on…the Master’s is coming up…which I’m pretty excited about…you see the advertisements for it with Phil Mickelson deservedly and finally winning one…and he probably got negative inches in the air…it’s like he jumped down, which makes no sense…that he could be that white…it’s almost as if the area he was covering had more gravity…um yeah…I’m watching March Madness and by the way Georgetown just passed the basketball, I’m pretty confidant that there are a few lesbians in the stands that are thinking hard about going wild at halftime…I don’t have any…but something made me pose the question of where my dogs at?...how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood…while typing I nailed the dismount on reciting the wood chuck chuck song…when in reality…which I don’t know about you…I’m living there…the better question is…who cares how much a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?...I was watching women’s basketball yesterday and it seems to me the UCONN Husky women like using penetration and back doors…just a little update on the search…I haven’t found Jesus yet…and yup…our President still isn’t looking for Bin Laden…because he’s still looking for Waldo…it’s just one of dem days…back in elementary school when girls used to chase me at recess…which they don’t do now…when I go to the local recesses…but what would they have done back in elementary school if they caught me?...that would have been coool…what if I chose, as a guy, to chase after them…would this have been allowed…because I would have caught them in 3.6734 seconds…let a second run off to tease them…and then stretch and then catch…equaling 3.6734 seconds…what would I have done if I caught them…I think I’m going to start chasing after females now…of my age of course…I’ll tell them I’m doing research for my blog…I’m a blogger…and for sho…they will be impressed…I asked a female if she had back trouble…that might give you a little idea of her features…why do they call it portal potties…did they have no idea what to call it so they asked a three year old…I’d like to give a shout-out to all those people who would like to give a shout-out…I was riding home on the train today, heading back to my Brooklyn apartment…and I noticed my feet were turned more outward than normal…my normal feet stance is a little inward…I’m slightly bow-legged…not quite a cheetah…but more like an animal that is less bow-legged than a cheetah...I guess this means my great great ancestors…I guess they were pretty great…and they must have hung out with the monkeys…those mo fos we evolved from…and noticed the monkeys feet stance…and emulated this more than per say your ancestors that didn’t hang out with the monkeys…and now they walk around with their feet pointed outward at a ridiculous angle…it should be illegal to have feet pointed out thus far…we need a regulation on feet stances in America…let foreigners walk around like that if they wanna…I’m not even sure if monkeys are bow-legged…but this is a blog…so if I say it’s true…it is…plus I just looked it up at the same time as writing that last sentence, concluding monkeys…they bow-legged…the transition from shaved…to 5 O’Clock shadow…to need a shave for work…to you’re getting lazy…to you’re growing it out for a new look but it’s not really working out…to wait maybe we’ve got something here…to no wait you’re just a bum that hasn’t shaven in a long while…to sophisticated…And there’s a cup of Sunday Mo Jo…
Friday, March 23, 2012
...Sunday Mo Jo...
...due to a bad dosage of the Sniffles...this Sunday Mo Jo has been printed a day late...sounds like a Cup of Excuse...
Saturday, March 10, 2012
...Sunday Mo Jo...
...Easter Sunday Revisited...I am revisiting Easter Sunday today, and now...after chowing down a "Pop's" chicken parm hero, a Brooklyn joint where I noticed while waiting for the Parm. that the chocolate milk Yoo-hoo places its' contents in a can...it is bad enough we get this kind of milk from a minority cow's nipple, and now it's placed in a can...there are just certain beverages that don't belong in cans and we all agree because I just said we do that milk, especially chocolate, does not belong canned...I just got official ruling that those that didn't attend church yesterday are going to Hell...you'll be receiving an email informing you about this...which, I know, is pointless because everybody reads this blog daily so all already are informed about this...let's not give the email mailmen...and mailwomen extra mail to deliver to the Internets...and I will not be seeing you people in Hell because I did attend church...my church...which of course is being in the presence of Leo's successor, Cosmo, our cat...that is my church...get your own......almost pissed in my pants on the train ride back to the BK yesterday…but then finally walked 3 cars up to find Jon waiting for me to pee all over the seat…I enjoy going over friend’s places for a game or such…and going to the bathroom and peeing all over the seat…returning to the living room to ask who pissed all over the seat…how rude of them…so I’m on the train relieving myself, placing one hand against the wall like those assholes you see in public lavatories…and using the other hand as my guide hand……Mick Jagger’s telling me he’s coming down again…and I think we all are after childhood…what a ride that was…this cup of caffeine doesn’t help…and neither does JK’s (my brother’s) Sex Pistols CD…too early for punks to take over the airwaves…at least we have “Summer Cleavage” to look forward to…I’m pretty excited about that…I’m having March Madness withdrawal…the Master’s didn’t exactly bate my full interest…and it appears the seven degrees wasn’t enough for Michael Jordan…because according to the latest Haines AD, Michael Jordan and Kevin Bacon are living in the same apartment…and that shall leave a quality taste for this cup of Sunday Mo Jo…
...Sunday Mo Jo...
…It’s already 1:25 and I still don’t feel alive…I’ve spent all day drinking coffee and listening to musicians tell me what life has to offer me…let’s take the R-train uptown and see if any of this is true…but first, I gotta finish this cup of Sunday Mo Jo…I have to say, this pot is delicious…which in a sense is a lie…because coffee has never struck oneself as delicious…it’s good…but “delicious” to me usually describes food, or it was the name of the stripper from last night…weathermen are claiming a Nor'easter is on its way…so, at least we can look forward to not experiencing a Nor'easter…had the weathermen not said one was coming, most people believed there was still a chance in April, but now we know there most likely will not because they said there will be…those that run Las Vegas should have weathermen as their target audience…Relief break…you ever exit the Jon and have a feeling of satisfaction like you’ve just accomplished something…work, well done…that was rhetorical because I know you have…how many youths do you think have purchased Rims, but don’t have their license, nevermind a car, yet?...as far as a condiment for your Sunday Mo Jo solution, Cat Power truly is “The Greatest”…tell me a better CD to listen to when hungover, sipping coffee, trying to return back, it’s raining out and your roommate is playing the trumpet, nose style, while sleeping in the other room – so you’ve got to drown his talent out with something more soothing than that crap…snoring like that can’t be healthy…he should get that check out…and I’m going to check out this growing culture of posing as a bum and then finding oneself in “Steve’s Bagels” with a so fresh and so clean haircut…recalling when this here blog originated…I know…let the nostalgia settle in…I first began with writing about my journey to an interview…I think it had something to do with teaching…whatever man…R-train uptown to somewhere in Manhattan, and what appeared to be a bum came on the train and played “Nowhere Man”…I think The Beatles cover this guy’s song…dude looked approx. my age, but didn’t sport deodorant, and had hair down to his shoulders, which I’ve realized I’ll never be able to accomplish…I have a policy that I give bums change if they play a good song…I gave this dude change for playing “Nowhere Man” and apparently added to his shit bagel and hairs cut funds…this makes me feel good, but also develops a slight skepticism in what used to be a full trust in bums…they’re good peoples…however, I’ve noticed lately, that bums are getting lazy…another train experience…a bum walked on the train and just stuck her hand out…no song, no limp for sympathy…no Bible reading…just a-hey, exclaiming, “Give it to me”…um, no…I don’t walk up to them, demanding a song or assuming a catechism lesson…these are privileges…that we all try to avoid…privileges…and so is this cup of Sunday Mo Jo…Mo Fo…and we’ve also learned recently that having a radio show is a privilege too…the fiasco about the Don Imus comments, calling the Rutgers Women’s Bball team “Nappy Headed Hoes” will soon dwindle away like the outrage over the much worse Katrina tragedy…and, it’s over…the true change this has made is that my average yearly vomit occurrence has risen…because we’ve had to listen to old white folk debate the impact of rap lyrics intertwind with this Imus controversy…MSNBC and CBS made bold decisions to protect their PR cheeks…but just when you think America has lost perspective, sitcom “7th Heaven” comes on and that preachin’ father saves the day…and provides me with the realization that Jessica Biel is not the reason I started watching the show, and just purchased the newest “7th Heaven” DVD…it includes extra footage, explaining how preacher man and wife had enough time to create all those babies…I think Imus and the Rutgers’ bball team watched “7th Heaven” when they met to chat over their differences…and there is no show that can convey our similarities like “7th Heaven”…and I type corrected…sorry Cat Power…-“7th Heaven” is the best condiment for this Cup of Sunday Mo Jo…
...Sunday Mo Jo...
…Interesting…I was really thirsty last night…so I quenched it…only to awake this morning to be even thirstier…people have always said that Garrett fellow is one thirsty fellow…I’ll take that as a complement as that is the only way oneself can take that…before I hit this here Mo Jo, I shall quench thy thirst with some H20 – by Nike…the 12 year old workers make quality batches of water…and like we went over already, I’m extremely thirsty…my thirst has risen to extreme measures…so these kids might have to work overtime…gonna need lots of water here people…I quench people’s mental thirst with this here blog…you're welcome…I quench my own mind’s thirst too…my welcome…as I try to stay awake watching the NBA playoffs, and waiting for tonight’s Yankees / Red Sox game, I write this with enjoyment of the cushion spring digging into my shoulder blade, adding to the pile of boogies behind the big couch, and now I have an itch on the bottom of my sockless left foot…if it had a sock on it…or for short…a footglove…which is actually longer, but obviously more street = cooler?...if it had sock on, I could have added another line to the “Ironic” song…Alanis Morissette sings her soul –
“Isn’t it ironic?
I have an itch on the bottom of me foot
But I have a sock on
So I can still relieve the itch
But I will most likely have to go back for 2nd scratchage
This due to the separation that the footglove is causing
Between the itch and my pointerfinger
Equaling an irony so thick
That you can taste it along with that peppered on cliché”…
…the soul so effortlessly floods out to provide easy poetic comprehension that is also so effortless…your welcome Alanis…add that to the remix…I assume my royalties are already in the mail…no…already in the bank…in fact…I will bet my due royalties from the remix that my due royalties are already in the bank and therefore are no longer due…give me a second to check on the Internet(s)……Alanis?...it’s not in the bank…that’s unfortunate for you…because that means you now owe me double because I just lost that bet…I assume the doubled check is already in the mail…no…look…we could do this all day…just send the check sweat cheeks…and you thought you knew irony…it’d be pretty ironic, don’t ya think, if your cheeks were actually sweet…I’m willing to find out…let us meet...we could go over some more songs I’ve written and you obviously want to use them to get more props on the lyricist-cred noogle…it’d be pretty ironic if it rained on the day we were going to meet…no, I don’t think so either…don’t ya think…I miss my cat…stroking Cosmo’s extremely fluffy multi-colored coat is the only way I can truly quench this here thirst…here Cosmo is not, so I will settle for this here caffeine…and there’ a Cup of Sunday Mo Jo…
“Isn’t it ironic?
I have an itch on the bottom of me foot
But I have a sock on
So I can still relieve the itch
But I will most likely have to go back for 2nd scratchage
This due to the separation that the footglove is causing
Between the itch and my pointerfinger
Equaling an irony so thick
That you can taste it along with that peppered on cliché”…
…the soul so effortlessly floods out to provide easy poetic comprehension that is also so effortless…your welcome Alanis…add that to the remix…I assume my royalties are already in the mail…no…already in the bank…in fact…I will bet my due royalties from the remix that my due royalties are already in the bank and therefore are no longer due…give me a second to check on the Internet(s)……Alanis?...it’s not in the bank…that’s unfortunate for you…because that means you now owe me double because I just lost that bet…I assume the doubled check is already in the mail…no…look…we could do this all day…just send the check sweat cheeks…and you thought you knew irony…it’d be pretty ironic, don’t ya think, if your cheeks were actually sweet…I’m willing to find out…let us meet...we could go over some more songs I’ve written and you obviously want to use them to get more props on the lyricist-cred noogle…it’d be pretty ironic if it rained on the day we were going to meet…no, I don’t think so either…don’t ya think…I miss my cat…stroking Cosmo’s extremely fluffy multi-colored coat is the only way I can truly quench this here thirst…here Cosmo is not, so I will settle for this here caffeine…and there’ a Cup of Sunday Mo Jo…
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
...Sunday Mo Jo...
…You ever pick your nose while reading a book? – grimy sophistication…nah, me neither…you ever read a book and then have trouble spelling the word sophistication?...maybe it’s because I shaved my beard off, but I have…and then after my brother asked me, “Did you know Ireland has become one of the richest countries in Europe over the last few years?”…I responded, “No, I didn’t know Europe still existed”…just in case I offended any Europeans, I apologize and will stop writing this here blog for 2 months…and I should probably go to rehab too…I’ll finish this Mo Jo and then I’ll catch y’all after 12 steps…which in my sarcastic world is approx from this couch to my bed…no alcoholic here…because I can walk from the couch to bed without falling on my face…other than that, it might have to do with that I don’t drink much…just give me some chicken wings…a little play on words with Biggie’s song “Gimmie the Loot” – “Gimmie the Chicken Bawk”…I am an addict for chicken hooter with spicy or BBQ sauce…this is exactly the direction I planned on taking this convo…You?...No?...Well, adapt…this is just another white man’s version of Jazz music…improvise…maybe I should improvise and come up with another way to wake the buck up on a Sunday…I need to be well rested for the back-hair removal surgery tomorrow…what was supposed to proceed that was a date with an Asian delight I met, but she canceled for some reason after I told her I’d meet her at 9 instead of 8 due to the surgery…if a girl told me she was going to have her back hair surgically removed, I would appreciate that…watching the Suns-Lakers NBA playoff game, and I’ve concluded that Larry King should show up and have a “shoulder-off” with Phil Jackson…that would be more entertaining than the game…wondering about the abrupt transition from back-hair removal surgery to a King-Jackson “shoulder-off”?...well, it’s a metaphor for life…all of what I write, all of what I do is a metaphor for life…I know…nothing I write makes sense…and that’s why it makes complete sense that I’m a walking metaphor of life….because life makes no sense…and that’s what all these Mo Jos are…little metaphors…the mug is “half” something…it is up to you to determine whether it’s half empty or full…I know…it makes no sense, yet it’s so inspiring…and there’s “a” cup of Sunday Mo Jo…
...Sunday Mo Jo...
…Some say…well many say…that I’m a genius…my brother told me this the other day...I’m flattered…and just got a ruling that, yes, I can say flattered…I’m flattered but I don’t think so…I think that if I’m a genius then everyone’s a genius…and if you take a look to your right…well, or left…you will notice a person that obviously doesn’t qualify as a genius; thus, proving my hypothesis that everyone is not a genius, and therefore I am not one…people consider others genius…example being Bob Dylan…people have dissected his lyrics so much to the point they think he has the answers to whatever they’re going through…almost to the point that I think if Dylan were to say that he gets most of his ideas on the toilet then writers across America would be writing books while taking craps…and saying to themselves, “Dylan was correct…the toilet really does get that imagination flowing”…and I bring up genius because when drinking this here cup of Mo Jo, I can’t escape the mentality that I’m somehow more sophisticated when drinking coffee…Seinfeld broached this subject…how people drinking coffee always act like they’re doing something important…the difference between them and me though is that I’m always doing something important…and they I will admit sometimes do important things, but most of the time they’re just feeding their faces with a caffeine jolt…when I’m drinking coffee I’m either preparing to pass out worksheets in The School of Tomorrow’s Leaders or writing this here blog…and we all agree that both play a vital role in…everything…from the war on terror to getting lil’ Mookie the same educational opportunities as Timothy…from the North to South to the southern states we wish stayed in succession (Florida) and the ones we are glad that came back to the Union (New Orleans)…from the mother’s womb to the birth of a mo fo that writes a blog that revolutionizes the blogOsphere…from the from to the the…from the Bay Ridge apartment to the Café Steinhof in Park Slope where my bro and I tonight will be quenching our thirst while watching Spinal Tap, the chosen film for this café’s Sunday film…should be interesting…I’m pretty excited…and here the coffee will be away, but people in beards will be sipping brew and adlibbing to Spinal Tap, trying to reach that sophistication that they had thought they achieved earlier when they were doing their one important daily Sunday ritual…reading this Sunday’s Cup of Sunday Mo Jo…
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